If I can fit my fist in your bellybutton, then you’re too fat.
Man, who would’ve thought there’d be so many fucking angry people out there these days? Jesus, have you watched/read the news lately? Gay Adoption?! Evolution?! Vaccines and Autism?! I can’t address all these right now because I’m shivering under my desk, clenching a shake weight and fumbling blindly for the hollow point bullets I stashed in my socks. This is a dead world people; sorry to be the cock of the room, but it’s true. Americans are getting dumber and dumber by the minute because we keep having goddamn kids. Those beautiful bundles of flesh who make us hemorrhage cash daily until you kick them out of your basement when they’re the ripe old age of 45. Look, I love kids, and I get how special they are, but at some point we need to focus on a math problem here: Limited Resources + Exponentially Increasing Population – Rational Dialogue to Fix Problems= FUCKED. The party can only last so long; just like in high school, you’re not gonna score if the girl you’ve targeted is passed out on the futon caked with vomit and football player DNA. So how do we cope with major, life changing problems? We focus on the shittiest, most insignificant social tension and increase the scope to disgustingly large proportions.
In the scheme of the world, does it really matter if your gay neighbors adopt children? Really? As long as they’re not packing 15 dildos into the kid’s school lunch, how does spending any amount of emotional energy getting upset about the idea benefit you personally? We have severe economic and environmental issues of increasing severity approaching us and you find it more serving to worry about shit that you have absolutely no control over? Fuck you. Yes, really…fuck you. Grow up, this goddamn planet is full of varying levels of intellect and I don’t have time to play Midwest babysitter so the slow kids can understand that just because two men fuck each other in the ass doesn’t mean they’re subhuman or less deserving of the “privilege” of raising children. I just want honest people with the ability to look at information and be relative. Yes, it’s a sad story when a pretty suburban girl goes missing, but it doesn’t indicate a trend or ignore the fact that hundreds of urban people continually go missing. Abortion is a touchy subject, but that doesn’t mean you have the right to generalize all pro-choicers as flippant party girls looking for a satanic birth control option.
